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Wednesday, 25 June 2014

I often post quickies of my outfits, or elements of it, on my Instagram (@RebequitaRose), which never make it onto my blog. It's also true that I get more interaction on there, than I do on here, making it that little bit more fun (sorry Blogger.com), but I've started wondering if the people who only follow my posts via Blogger, might be missing out. I can't be sure, but, just incase, I'm sharing this quick post of what I wore to the airport yesterday to see Cerise off. 

A menudo subo fotos rapidas, o partes de ellas, en mi Instagram (@RebequitaRose), que nunca llego a subir al blog. Tambien es verdad que allá tengo mucha mas interación que la que tengo aqui, con lo cual es un pelin más divertido Instagram, que blogger (lo siento Blogger.com), pero he empezado a preguntarme, si las personas que solo me siguen a traves blogger, se lo están perdiendo. Ni idea. Pero, por si acaso, comparto lo que me puse ayer para ir al aeropuerto a despedirme de mi amiga, Cerise.


 Blouse & Jumper - H&M
Leggings - C&A
Clutch - El Corte Inglés
Shoes - Amichi Leather Collection
Brows - Bobbi Brown Mahogany eye shoadow and Bobbi Brown eye definer brush
Red Lip gloss - Essence Cosemetics
Blush - L'Oreal


It was a five minute throw on since I had been busy all day, and I grabbed what little "winter wear" I had to hand, as it had been raining, and it had really cooled down out here. There really isn't much to say about this look, other than it is simple and comfortable. I didn't wear any foundation or powder, (no time for that, I was too busy cooking our last home made meal - photo below), and I gave my face that "I am alive look" with blush, mascara, red lip gloss, and a pair of eyebrows which I made appear to be roughly the same length, lol. 

Fue un conjunto de cinco minutos ya que habia sido un dia de mucho lio, y me puse lo poco que deje fuera de invierno y que tenia a la mano, porque habia llovida y no hacia tantisimo calor. En realidad, no tengo mucho que contar de este look, aparte de que es muy sencillo y comodo. No me puse ninguna base ni polvo de maquillaje,(no tenia tiempo para eso, estaba muy liada cocinando nuestra ultima comida juntas hecha en casa - foto abajo), y le di a mi cara aquuella ilusion de "estoy viva", con colorete en las mejillas, mascara en las pestañas, un gloss rojo cantoso en mis labios, y un par de cejas que por lo menos aparentan ser del mismo largo, ja ja.


And that's it from me today! 

I hope you are all having a WONDERFUL week so far! 

xox

Y eso es todo lo que cuento hoy!

Espero que esteis pasando una semana genial! 

xox

Monday, 23 June 2014

Gold & Modesty


Hello Beauties, 

Today I bring you a #BloggerSharingStylePost. I was invited to participate in this challenge by #MisPapelicos and was delighted to participate. The theme was gold, and I grabbed the opportunity to post an outfit that I'd had in mind for several weeks now, with a hint of gold accessories. My friend Cerise took these photos for me yesterday on our lazy sunday at home, so big thank yous to her for being photographer for the day. She's a friend I've had since childhood who has come over to spend a few days with me in Madrid who also has a fashion blog. She's not posting much at all these days, which is a shame since she has fantabulous style! I suggest you go over to her blog and show here some love here :)

Hola Bellezas,

Hoy os traigo un #BloggerSharingStylePost Me invitó #MisPapelicos a participar, y yo encantada. El tema era oro, asi que aproveché para publicar un look que tenia en mente hacia semanas con toques de oro en los complementos. Mi amiga Cerise me hizo las fotos durante nuestro domingo vago en casa, asi que muchisimas gracias a ella por ser la fotografa del dia. Es una amiga desde mi infancia que ha venido a pasar unos dias conmigo aqui en Madrid y que tmb tiene un blog de moda. Ultimamente ella no publica nada, lo cual es una lastima cuando ella tiene un estilo fantabuloso! Os sugiero que os paseis por su blog y le muestren amor, aqui :)


The title of this post, Gold & Modesty, is inspired by the challenge/style theme, combined with an idea about modesty which has been floating around in my head for some time now. I can honestly say I have reached a point in my body image journey where I feel comfortable in my body. I no longer have fat days and I have no desire to loose weight for aesthetic reasons, even though I am at my biggest. I am unapologetic about my wearing whatever I want, and unlike when I was a teenager, I do not consider my being fat to be an obstacle. I use the word 'obstacle' in reference to many ideas, which I shall explain. Growing up I was constantly told that if I remained big, or got fatter, I would be a failure in life. A reject who would never be loved, who was condemned to always look frumpy and live in black baggy clothes like someone who was in perpetual mourning, to hide her ugly fat with shame and 'modesty'. Modesty back then, was about knowing my place in the world as a fat girl. Understanding and accepting that my fat was something ugly, that nobody wanted to see. Something that gave others a license or a right to value me as an inferior human being before knowing me as a person first. The irony being, that most of the fat-shaming I experienced, came from the adults closest to me, who should have been building up my confidence. Not of knocking it.

El titulo de este blog, que traducido al español significa 'Oro y Modestia', está inspirado por el reto de este estilo, y mi idea sobre la modestia que anda rondado por mi cabeza desde hace ya varias semanitas. Os puedo decir con sinceridad que he llegado a un punto en mi viaje de auto-imagen donde me siento comoda en mi cuerpo. Ya no sufro con 'dias-de-gorda' y no tengo ganas de adelgazar por estetica, a pesar de estar en mi peso mas elevado de toda mi vida. Me pongo lo que me da la gana sin pedir disculpas, y en diferencia a cuando era adolesente, ya no veo a mi gordura como algo que es un obstaculo, cosa que os iré explicando. Uso la palabra 'obstaculo' para referirme a varias cosas. De niña constantemente me recordaban que si me quedaba gordita, o que si me engoradaba mas, sería una fracasada de la vida. Una despreciada que jamás nadie le querria, que estaria condenada a ir siempre de ropa ancha y negra como si estuviera perpetuamente de luto, para esconder su gordura tan fea con verguenza y modestia. La modestia en aquellos tiempos se trataba de saber cual era mi lugar en el mundo gracias a mi condicion de gorda. Era comeprender y aceptar que mi gordura era algo feo, que nadie jamas queria ver. Algo que le daba al resto del mundo licencia o derecho, a menos valorarme sin conocerme como persona primero. Los mas irónico, es que la mayoria de los comentarios despereciativos sobre mi peso venian de los adultos mas cercanos a mi, quienes han debido de subir mi auto-estima. No derrumbarmela.


So a few years ago, in my mid to late twenties, the idea of wearing slightly more revealing or fitted clothes, and slightly less modesty, on my fat body, was about rebellion and self liberation. Rebellion against the dogma imposed against us fatties. Rebellion against what was truly ugly, which was the excluding mentality and attitudes against fat folk by the fashion industry, mainstream media, and often, society itself. I wasted my teenage years hating myself, feeling ugly and being insecure, because I was fat. As the years went by, and my weight yo-yo-ed up and down, it finally became time to get a grip. It was time to stop obsessing about my size and to start positively embracing everything that made me, me. It became time for me to embrace my own idea of beauty, and to start seeing myself as someone who I love, instead of someone I hate. I have fought hard to be who I am today, and I am proud of my journey, my struggle, and who I have become. I needed to go through my 'fashion rebellion' phase in order to get to where I am now. 

Asi que hace unos añitos, en mis veintes, la idea de vestirme con ropa un pelin mas reveladora o justada, y con un pelin de menos modesta, sobre mi cuerpo gordo, se trataba de rebelarme y liberarme. Rebelarme en contra de lo que verdaderamente es feo, que es esa mentalidad y actitud de exclusion encontra de los gordos por parte de la industria de la moda, los medios de comunicacion, y la sociedad en general. Desperdicié mi adolesencia odiandome a mi misma, sintiendome fea y siendo insegura, porque era gorda. Mientras los ańos pasaban, y mi peso subia y bajaba constantemente, llegó el momento para yo tomar el control. Era el momento para dejar la obsesion con mi talla y comenzar a acoger con positividad todo lo que me hace a mi, yo. Habia llegado la hora para yo acoger mi propia idea sobre lo que es la belleza, y mirarme a mi misma como alguien a quien amo, y dejar de mirarme como a alguien a quien odio. He luchado para ser quien soy hoy, y me siento orgullosa de mi viaje, de mi lucha, y en quien me he convertido. Para mi fue necesario pasar por mi epoca de 'rebelion de moda' para llegar a donde he llegado ahora.


Had I not taken any fashion risks and broken so many fashion rules, I would probably still be hiding under baggy black clothes, and putting limits on myself because of my size. Nobody should ever feel the way I used to feel about my body, which is the main reason why I blog. People can judge and misunderstand fashion/style blogging as something completely superficial and narcissistic. Surely we have better things to do than to dolly up, take photos of ourselves, and then put them on-line. In a world full of poverty and 'real struggles', is what we wear and how we look really that important? Yes, it is. If you are told by everyone that you must conform to a particular aesthetic to be a well liked and successful member of society or a community, you will want to be as close to that ideal as possible. Especially when you are younger. If not fitting that idea makes you insecure or miserable in some way, the repercussions can be detrimental. I'm not saying that absolutely everyone feels the need to conform to their environment image-wise, but to some degree we all do. Naturally, if you are pressured to conform from an early age, that will have an impact on you. I'm also not saying, dress to impress or conform. I'm saying there is a reality out there where are judged on how we look, and we have the power to control how we want to come across, and how much we want to conform. I know I have the right to dress how I please, and I don't have to care too much about the opinions of others.

Sino huberia tomado riesgos con mi estilo, ni hubiera roto tantas normas, quizás todavia estaria escondiendome detras de ropa ancha y negra, auto-imponiendome limitaciones a base de mi talla y peso. Nadie deberia saber lo que es sentir lo que yo sentia sobre mi cuerpo, que es la razón principal por la que tengo este blog. La gente puede juzgar y mal entender un blog de moda y estilismo, como algo completamente superficial y narcisista. Sin lugar a dudas, seguro que tenemos cosas que hacer que arreglarnos, sacarnos fotos a nosotras mismas, para luego publicarlas en internet. En un mundo lleno de pobreza y 'luchas reales', es verdaderamente importante como nos vemos y qué nos ponemos? Si. Si que lo es. Si de todos lados te insisten que tienes que conformar tu imagen para ser gustada y un miembro exitoso de la sociedad o alguna comunidad, vas a querer estar lo mas cerca posible a ese ideal. Sobre todo cuando eres muy muy joven. Si el no cumplir con ese ideal te causa inseguridad o miseria alguna, las repercusiones pueden ser detrementales. No quiero decir que absolutamente todo el mundo se conforma a su entorno con su apariencia, aunque todos lo hacemos hasta algun punto. Naturalmente, si te presionan desde pequeñita, eso va a tener un impacto. No os digo que tenemos que vestirnos para agradar a los demas. Estoy diciendo que hay una realidad donde somos juzgados y juzgamos basado en las apariencias, y que nosotros tenemos control sobre como queremos mostrarnos, y hasta qué punto nos queremos conformar. Yo se que yo tengo el derecho de vestirme como a mi me gusta, y no me tiene porque importar lo que opinen los demas.


Happy societies start with happy individuals. Strong communities start with strong families. A happy mind leads to a happy body, and it is mental stability that truly matters. No matter how thin you are. No matter how much you manage to control your weight and get down to that dress size you always dreamed of. If your obsession with your weight never leaves you, and you are petrified to put weight on, you will never be truly happy with yourself. Eating disorders aren't just about disorderly dietary habits. It is a behavior resulting from a negative mentality and unhealthy self-perception which can later lead to an unhealthy body. I'm not saying go out there and pig out, or that being overweight has no potential health risks. I'm saying that there are health risks at every size. Not every diet that keeps you thin is a healthy one, and not every fat body is an unhealthy body. I'm also saying, do what you know to be the right thing by yourself, and love your body for all the amazing things it can do, and not hate it for how it doesn't look. Wear what you like. Do the things you dream of doing. Smile at life and let the right people in. Give thanks, be grateful, forgive those who offend you and ask forgiveness for your own wrong doings.

Sociedades felizes comienzan con individuos felizes. Comunidades fuertes comienzan con familias fuertes. Una mente feliz te lleva a un cuerpo feliz, y es la estabilidad mental que verdaderamente importa. Da igual lo delgada que seas. Da igual lo que seas capaz de controlar tu peso y que llegues a alcanzar esa talla con la que siempre has soñado. Si tu obsesion con tu peso sigue presente, y te da panico aumentar, nunca serás verdaderamente feliz. Trastornos alimenticios no se tratan solo de una dieta retorcida. Es un comportamiento que resulta de una mentalidad no sana y/o negativa y una percepcion de uno mismo no sana, y que puede hacernos acabar en un cuerpo no sano. No todas las dietas que te mantienen flaca son sanas, ni todos los cuerpos gordos tienen mala salud. No os estoy diciendo que se vayan a comer a lo bestia. Estoy diciendo que hagais lo que sabeis que está bien hacia a vosotras mismas. Amen sus cuerpos por todas las cosas maravillosas que puede hacer, y no le odies por como no se ve. Vistete como te de la gana. Haz las cosas con las que sueñas hacer. Sonriele a la vida y deja entrar a la gente correcta. Da gracias, se agradecido, perdona a quien te ofende y pide perdon si tu ofendes.


Today, modesty means something new to me. It's no longer a negative. It's no longer a word I use to describe or explain the act of hiding my body out of shame, and a subsconscious yet irrational fear of provocing disgust in others because I am fat.  It's no longer about self-body-hating. Today modesty for me is about protecting my intimacy. About deciding where I want gazes to go. It's about knowing what type of attention I want to get. It's about truly understanding who I am and what impression I want to make without having to utter an word. Don't get me wrong. It's not about dressing to impress. It's about knowing how my own actions can influence the attitude others will have towards me. It wasn't that I didn't know all that before. I just wasn't as aware of it as I am now, in the sense that I used to see covering up as being limited to hiding my body because I saw it as ugly, and somehow covering up to hide it was being imposed upon me, rather than a choice I was making freely, based on being dignified. For example, I was a teenager in the 90s, when bearing your mid-drift was all the rage, but, unlike now, I never dared let my tummy see the light of day because in my eyes, my tummy was unworthy. I wanted to feel beautiful. Like most teenagers, I wanted to embrace fashion and take pleasure in dressing how I liked, but for years I didn't dare. Having an over protective mother who never let me choose my own clothes, ever, didn't help either. I wasn't confident and I was afraid of ridicule, and everywhere I turned, my fears were confirmed. Those years were such a waste of time and I thank God that I got over it.

Hoy, modestia significa algo nuevo para mi. Ya no es negativo. No esuna palabra que empleo para describir o explicar el acto de esconder mi cuerpo por erguenza, o una subconsiente e irracional temor a que yo pueda provocar asco en los demas porque soy gorda. Ya no se trata de odiar mi cuerpo. Hoy la modestia para se trata de proteger mi intimidad. De decicir yo donde quiero que me miren. Se trata de verdaderamente comprender quien soy y cual impresion quiero dar sin decir ni una palabra. No se trata de vestirme para impresionar a los demas. Se trata de entender como mis acciones pueden influenciar la actitud que los demas tengan hacia mi. No es que yo no supiera todo eso antes. Es que antes no estaba tan consiente de eso como lo estoy ahora, en el sentido de que antes si me tapaba, era para esconder mi cuerpo porque me parecia feo, y era algo que me habia impuesto, en vez de ser una eleccion que yo tomase libremente por mi propia voluntad, basada en dignidad. Por ejemplo, yo era adolescente en los 90s, cuando ir con la tripita al aire era la super moda, pero, en diferencia a ahora, yo jamás me atreví a dejar que mi tripa viese la luz del dia, porque en mis ojos, mi tripa no era digna. Yo queria sentirme bella. Como la mayoria de las adolescentes, yo tambien queria ir a la moda y disfrutar de ponerme guapa, pero durante años no me atreví. Teniendo una madre sobre protectora que no me permitia a eligir mi propia ropa, jamás, no me ayudaba tampoco para poder ir como a mi me gustaba. No tenia autoestima y tenia miedo a las burlas, y por donde quiera que miraba, todos mis miedos se confirmaban. Esos años fueron una tremenda perdida de mi tiempo y doy Gracias a Dios que lo he superado.


Advances in plus size fashion and body-acceptance activism has certainly helped, and made the struggle that little bit easier, but the battle still has some way to go. In the media, plus size women are still being portrayed as one extreme or the other on the "sexual objectification spectrum", as I call it. We are either the epitomy of eternal chastity because we are led to believe that nobody wants us and we are all miserable rigid creatures, or the embodiment of nothing more than sexual objects who are easy out of desperation to get whatever we can, - again, because of this false notion that nobody wants us or finds us physically attractive. I would say though, that in everyday life, out here in the real world, not only are both those extremes absurd, they are rare. So why is the media not representing the middle ground, which is the norm? We live in a world that has distorted our purpose in life, and reduced our value to how much society and other individuals find our physique appealing and sexually desireable, - or not, - and apparently fatties are not to be found attractive. How many of us who have been told that if we are fat, we will never find a boyfriend, or a man who will us seriously enough to want to marry us? How many magazines are filled with fad diets so that we can allow ourselves to wear certain clothes, and feel attractive and confident based on our outward appearance? It's the last battle of feminism. We can be pretty much anything we want, but we cannot be fat. It's the last ounce of control to be had over women. That said, women of all sizes are objectified, and I have no problem with women who are happy to be objectified. Each to their own. I have no right to judge others, and I appreciate a compliment as much as the next person. But it is one thing to be given a compliment, and quite another to be objectified. I am worth so much more than whether or not someone finds me attractive or not. 

Los progresos en el mundo de las modas de talla grande, y el activismo de auto-aceptarte tal como eres, ha ayudado y facilitado la lucha, pero la batalla aun tiene mucho trabajo que hacer. En los medios de comunicación, a las mujeres gordas se nos siguen mostrando como un extremo u otro en el "espectro de la objetivación de la mujer", o asi le llamo yo.  Solo nos muestran de dos formas. Somos la epitome de la castidad eterna porque nos quieren hacer creer que nadie nos desea y que somos rigidas y miserables, o sino, el otro extremo que somos la encarnación de la mujer facil, gracias a una supuesta teoria que como nadie nos desea, entonces toda mujer gorda sufre de desesperacion, y por ello se conforma con lo que puede pillar. Yo diria que en la vida cotidiana, en el mundo real, ambos extemos no son solo absurdos, sino rarezas. Entonces por qué los medios de comunicacnion no muestran un termino medio, que refleja mas la realidad? Vivimos en un mundo que ha distorcionado nuestro proposito en la vida, y ha rebajado nuestro valor exclusivamente segun hasta donde la sociedad y otros individuos nos ven como atractivos - o no - y seguna 'la leyenda', los gordos no pueden ser atractivos. A cuantas de nosotras nos han dicho que si somos gordas, nunca vamos a tener novio, ni un hombre que nos tome en serio como para pedirnos matrimonio? Cuantas revistas hay que dietas tontas para que nos podamos permitir vestir con determinadas prendas, y sentirnos atractivas y confidentes basadas en nuestra apariencia externa? Es la ultima lucha del feminismo, porque es el ultimo trozo de control que hay sobre la mujer. Podemos ser lo que queremos ser, pero no podemos ser gordas. Dicho todo eso, todas la mujeres, sean de la talla que sea, son objetivisadas, y no tengo ningun problema con un mujer que se cree feliz siendo objetivisada. Para los gustos colores, y no tengo ningun derecho de juzgar a los demas. A mi me gusta que hagan cumplidos igual que a todo el mundo. Pero es una cosa que suelten un cumplido o un piropo, y es otra cosa completamente que se solo te objetivisen. Yo valgo mucho mas que simplemente el saber si soy atractiva a otros o no.


Generally speaking though, whether we like it or not, all of us are judged by everyone else, and we judge others to some degree, based on how we present ourselves. Today, if I choose to dress modestly, or not, it is my choice. I have no issues with wearing clothes that are revealing, even if it means revealing a bit of tummy, but I know where to put my limits. Not out of fear or fat shame, but out of dignity. (I'd dress the same, even if I was thin). Out of knowing what I am worth and how I deserve to be treated. Acknowledging the reality that we live in a highly judgemental world, and although I cannot change that, I do my bit with my day to day life, but treating both myself and others with respect and love, and hope that I get treated the same. How I present myself is only the first page. I have to have character to back up my first impression. I am not an object. I am a human being. I am no better and no worse than the next person. Confidence doesn't come from extremes, one way or the other. Confidence, is balance. It's knowing who you are and being okay with that. It's having the discipline to change what you can if you want to change it. It's about being able to say no without having to explain yourself. It's being able to decide who you do and do not allow into your life without succumbing to peer pressures. Confidence is not about the number on the scales or the number on the label of your dress. Confidence is not about everyone finding you desireable. Confidence is not about changing yourself to please others. Confidence is not thinking that you are somehow better than everyone else. It comes from loving and accepting yourself just as you are. It takes time and work to get there, but believe you me, it is oh so so worth it!!!

Hablando en general, nos guste o no, todos juzgamos y somos juzgados por los demas segun como nos presentamos. Hoy, si eligo ir modesta, o no, es mi eleccion. No tengo ningun problema con ponerme ropa que muestra algo de mi cuerpo, pero se donde poner mis limites. No por miedo por ser gorda, sino por dignidad. (Me vestiria igual que ahora, si fuese flaca). Se trata de saber que yo valgo y se como merezco ser tratada. Reconociendo que vivimos en un mundo lleno de juicios, y que aunque yo no pueda hacer un enorme cambio, puedo poner de mi parte en mi dia a dia, tratandome a mi misma y a los de mas con respeto y amor, y tener la esperanza que a lo mejor me vayan a pagar con la misma moneda. Mi apariencia externa es solo la primera pagina. Tengo que tener el caracter que respalde mis apariencias. No soy un objeto. Soy un ser humano. No soy mejor ni peor que nadie. La auto-confianza en uno mismo y la autoestima no viene atravez de comportamientos extremos. La confianza está en el equilibrio. Es saber quien eres, y estar a gusto con quien eres. Tener la disciplina de cambiar lo que puedes, si es que quieres. Es saber y poder decir no sin dar explicaciones. Es poder decidir a quien quieres y a quien no quieres en tu vida sin caer en presiones ajenas. Tu auto estima no depende del numero que marque el peso ni el numero en la etiqueta de tu vestido. La auto confianza no viene de saber que vas por la vida con todos deseandote. La autoconfianza no viene de cambiarte a ti misma para complacer a los de mas. La auto estima no viene de creerte mejor que los demas. Viene de amarte y aceptarte, tal cual como eres. Demora un tiempo y requiere esfuerzo para alcanzar esa meta, pero creeme cuando te digo, que vale la pena!!!


I could probably write more on this, but I won't. I hope that you have a fabulous week!
Until next time, stay happy, love youself, and take control!

xox

Podria esciribir mas sobre el tema, pero no lo voy a hacer.  Os deso una semana fabulosa!
Hasta la proxima, sigan felices, amense, y tomen control!

xox

VIDEO


Friday, 13 June 2014

Toxicity

Hey Beauties!

How has your week been?  My week has been a rollercoaster. I had a headache that lasted about five days, and wouldn't go away with anything, and it was only on the right side of my head. Then on wednesday/thursday, I got vertigo again, after about a month of not having it. This was as I was recording my 20 facts video (embedded below), and iMovie was giving me trouble and not recording. I am still practicing being in front of the camera, since I'm more of a write than a speaker, but I am determined to get better at the video-making. I look so uncomfortable in this video, lol. Probably because I was concerned about recording in vain. Luckily iMovie got it's act together and I managed to record the video afterall. My 20 Facts are quite random. You have been warned!



Yesterday (friday) was a bit of an enlightenment day. I had had a fabulous day all day, and was on a high from life having been so good and kind to me. Until at the very end of it, when someone decided to be nasty to me, - by act of omission. In other words, it wasn't something someone did to me, but rather what they didn't do. Luckily, this time I had someone there to witness the whole thing, and who later told me that they too had noticed and disliked what happened, and thought it was 'ugly'. I was so hurt by this person's actions, I spent the rest of the evening feeling miserable. I was grateful for all the fabulousness previously, but at the end of the day, someone had put a dark cloud over my head and it was weighing me down. 

Later on though, I thought to myelf, "Rebeca. You have a choice. You can either suffer because someone else has wronged you and failed to be a decent Christian, or, you can let it go, reject the negativity, and accept that if anyone should feel bad, it should be the person who was in the wrong." Then I felt strong, and empowered, and I had shrugged it off. I came home, relaxed, and had no issues falling asleep. Then I woke-up at 2am, and couldn't go back to sleep. I feel uneasy. And now here I am. Awake at 3:30am, rambling on my blog, and unable to go back to sleep because my tummy is now a bag of nerves. I look calm, but inside, I feel like I am about to explode into tears. Only it's not going to happen. I won't breakdown. I tried going back to sleep, and trust me, I feel tired, but my body just won't let go. It's not just what this person did or didn't do. That was just a trigger for other things that have been happening and building up, and this person either has no idea what their actions have done, or doesn't care. So why should I? Yet that isn't comforting. Will I regret this post? Probably.

I wanted to share because I know I am not alone in feeling like this. Often times, we feel hurt when others wrong us, but that's almost like punishing ourselves further. Wasn't being mistreated by someone else enough? Do we have to react by torturing ourselves? Why do we punish ourselves? You have to accept that you are a wonderful human being and anyone who does not see that, is missing out. This doesn't mean, go out there and be arrogant. It means focus on your positives. Love what is good about you, inside and out. Nobody is all good, or all bad. Including ourselves. If people want to be snobby and nasty towards us, it's their loss, not ours. Do you really need the time, attention, - almost validation, of someone who does not know how to be a decent human being? No. The world is full of people who put up a façade, and pretend to be something they are not. Some will never take off their smile. Some will pretend to like you when they don't. I have a bit of a pet peeve when it comes to people like that. People who never have a bad day, and get on well with everyone, because the fact is, bad things happen, and we can't always like and get along wonderfully with absolutely everybody, unless someone's being fake, and I can't stand fake! But I'm getting side-tracked. 

A few days ago I had an ah-ha moment. For the first time in my life I put my foot down and halted someone who was being downright out of order. I wouldn't go so far as to say this person is or was a friend of mine. We were acquainted and there was never a problem between us. There was no reason for there to be. Yet my gut had always warned me to be cautious. Something about this person didn't sit right with me, but like I say, there was nothing to validate my gut feeling. Then as I got to know this person a bit better, all my intial misgivings, and more, were confirmed. At first, I did what I have always done. I gave the benefit of the doubt. I shrugged things off. This was the worst thing I could ever have done. This is the exact pattern that has always guaranteed that I end up 'stuck' in toxic friendships, filled with drama. I've never been easily persuaded to do anything I don't want to do, so in that sense, I've never gotten into much trouble. However emotionally, I have often found myself drained. This time, I saw what was coming and reminded myself that I had a choice. So, in very clear terms told this person exactly what I thought, and politely put an end to the whole thing, and it was fine. It was relieving. I took control of a situation I didn't like, and knowing that perhaps this person wasn't being intentionally malicious, no longer seemed like a valid excuse for me to grin and bear it. I just clicked. I saw that this has always been my problem. I'm too nice. I let myself see the good in people, even when the bad outways the good, and the only one harmed, is me. In other words, seeing the good in people, is a good thing, but if their flaws out way their virtues, and you start to feel used, trampled on, suffocated, drained, etc, then it's time to wish them the best and say goodbye. Let go.

A couple of years ago, I had this friend who was a broken soul. This person was extremely manipulative and in denial about a lot of their own issues. Quickly into our friendship this person started abusing my generosity, while manipulating everything to make it appear as if our friendship was based on give and take in equal measure. This so-called friend did the same thing by their partner, who eventually walked away from my so-called friend, which then made my so-called friend embrace the position of victim, and declare a constant pity party, while at the same time, not quite acting like a victim, but more like a vulture. Sounds contradictory?  It was. It was refined manipulation on every level in extreme doses. This so-called friend would talk me into going to places I didn't want to go to, and although nothing terribly awful happened at these places - mostly because I am cautious and don't tend to do things that are particularly damming, - I'd still be left with this huge sense of regret. Regret that I had just wasted time and money, and I hadn't even enjoyed myself. Typical toxic behaviour. "No" was never an answer by this so-called friend, who tried terribly hard to change me and drag me down. It took an extreme event for me to finally cut the ties, and even then, this so-called friend kept on at me, with vile manipulations. I simply ignored it all, until finally, I was left in peace. The sense of relief that I felt was immense. I knew I often felt suffocated and drained whenever I was around this person, but in a funny way, I think I had gotten used to it. I didn't like the amount of negativity this person seemed to generate, but I had some how, gotten used to it. I put it down to being part and parcel of our friendship, and that it wasn't all bad. There were good times and laughs. But the bad quickly outweighed the good, and that's not a good place to be investing time and emotions at any point in our life. Cutting that friendship was the best thing I ever did for my own mental and emotional sanity.

It's taken me a long time to find the courage to steer clear of people who don't enrich my life. Being in a foreign country doesn't help, but it's not an excuse. It's always better to be alone that in bad company. I have often found myself in troublesome situations with toxic friendships. At first I tell myself I need to be more patient with people and try to be less sensitive. However, I think I have figured out that although there might be an element of truth in that, it's not the whole picture. I can't constantly make excuses for others because I am imperfect, just as my imperfections mean I have no right to judge others. However,  observing and affirming, and then deciding whether or not you think a relationship is worth entertaining - whether it be a friendship, a romance, or even a family member, - is not the same as being overly sensitive and judgmental from the get-go. Anyway, I feel better now. It's almost 5am, but I feel tired again, and I think this time I will fall back asleep again. 

xoxo

Saturday, 7 June 2014

ENGLISH:

Hello Beauties,

Today's post in my skincare routine (obviously). I am in my early thirties and although I've kept my acne under control for quite a few years now, I still have issue with it every now and again. Wierdly, everyone is always paying my compliments on my skin, and asking questions about how I get my skin so 'flawless'. My skin is not quite flawless, but it's not the worst out there either. So here goes my story, my current skin care routine and which products work on me, as well as products I will be trying in the future.

I also managed to squeeze in a quick review of Dr. Brandt's Xtend Your Youth (XYY) Dual Fusion Water Cleanser & MakeUp Remover for face and Eyes. There don't seem to be many Dr. Brandt reviews on YouTube, so I am curious to find out if anyone else's experience has been similar to mine.


SPANISH



Hola Bellezas, 

Mi post de hoy se trata del cuidado de mi cutis (obviamente). Tengo 30 años, y aunque hace años controlo mi acne bastante bien, aun tengo problemillas con eso de vez en cuando. Curiosamente, todo el mundo siempre me dice que tengo la piel perfecta, y me preguntan que como lo hago. En realidad, mi piel no es perfecta, pero tampoco es la peor piel. Asi que aqui va mi historia, mi actual rutina, lo productos que me funcionan, y otros que voy a probar en el futuro.  

(Es mi primer video en español, y he sido muy pesadita pidiendo opinones a todo el mundo, y todas me han dado el visto bueno. Espero que os guste. Me cuesta muchisimo hacer video en Españl porque me confundo y se que hay cosas que las digo mal, y palabras que me equivoco...) 
 
Tambien os doy un review de Dr. Brandt's, Xtend Your Youth (XYY) Dual Fusion Water Cleanser & MakeUp Remover for face and Eyes.No parecen haber muchos reviews sobre los productos de Dr.Brandt en YouTube, asi que tengo curiosidad de saber si alguien ha tenido una experiencia parecida a la mia.





Thursday, 29 May 2014

UNICA PLUS DRESS (Review)


ENGLISH 

(Spanish coming soon)

Hello Beauties

I hope you have had a brilliant week so far. I can't believe it's thursday already! This week has just flown by! I'm feeling a lot better today than I did the other day. I'm looking forward to the future, though not for any particular reason, other than I have faith that good things await me. I'm also really excited about a visit from one of my oldest and dearest friends since childhood coming down to Madrid to spend a few days with me, all the way from London, (of course). So it's all smiles today from me today.

Speaking of which, today I bring you my third installment of my items to review for Unica Plus, - an on-line plus size clothes shop based in Barcelona. (It all seems to be going on in Barcelona). This dress is my favourite of the three things they sent me as gifts to review, and naturally, I was saving the best for last! I actually took these photos a day or two ago, but I was really unhappy with them, so I'd been putting off posting them. Afterall, I want to showcase my favourite dress in the best possible light. - But that's just it! The lighting was atrocious, and no matter where I positioned myself, everything seemed to be working against me. Uf. 

Fast forward a few days, and the pictures don't seem so terrible anymore. Granted, my face looks odd in most of these photos, but I've included some close-up photos of my hair and makeup (which I posted on Instagram first), to give you ladies a better look at that. 

I wanted to go very eighties with this, but not 'punk' or 'barbie' (as I say). I guess I got it right since all my friends have told me I look very 80s in these photos. 

As for the dress. It's beautiful. It's not transparent. It has sleeves (for those of you who have issues with your arms). I'm quite tall, so it comes up a bit short on me, but on the average woman it would be about knee length. It has a cute 'criss-cross' detail going on the back, as you will be able to see in the photos below. It's also high enough for you to wear a bra without exposing your bra. (That's always a good thing). 

I got my huge hair, by curling it with the Bablyliss Curl Secret, and then combing it up and out with a wide tooth comb. I should have used more hairsrpay to keep the volume up for much longer though. Oh well, We all live and learn I guess. LOL 

You can see the other items I reviewed for Unica Plus by clicking HERE and HERE.

Once again, I want to bring home, that an overall look, is mostly influenced by your choice of accessorize, hairstyle, and makeup style, than the clothes. I am tempted to start creating completely different looks using the same clothes on my blog, a sort re-mix thing, but all in one post, almost how I used to do in the very beginning of my blog. And now, without further a do, here are those dreadful photos which no longer seem so awful, LOL.



Thanks for stopping by!
xox

Sunday, 25 May 2014

LAZY SUNDAY


VIDEO



ENGLISH
Hello Beauties, 

Well, what can I say? Today I couldn't be bothered. I put on whatever, tied my hair back, and threw on some bright lippy. Lately I feel really drained. Physically and emotionally. All I wanted today was some alone time with the man upstairs, so I went to church (mass) and just prayed and prayed and prayed. I zoned out so much that I couldn't tell you what the priest was saying during the mass. But I have faith that things will work out. I won't go into too much detail, but will say this. Being an immigrant is hard, and I hate that I am constantly being reminded of it. My being bilingual is a curse, and you'd be shocked at the amount of times I have been flat out accused of lying about my being english, because I look latina, and don't speak spanish with an english accent. Doesn't hardly anybody out here know that London is a multi-cultural city? I know I shouldn't let other people's ignorance affect me, but when my job hunt depends on my being a native english speaker, it's horrible. It doesn't matter that I am a half Spanish person living in Spain. I don't feel spanish, so I don't feel completely at home. Despite being bilingual, I struggle with the language. I am constantly putting my foot in it, so I constantly feel embarrassed. And it's worse when people don't correct me on the spot. Long story short, Madrid has never felt like home. I need to move. But where to? I don't have any guarantees anywhere else and I don't want to spend the rest of my life just being a nomad. I just have to remind myself that things could be worse, that God has a plan for me, and it shall reveal itself in perfect time. In the mean time, I'm just going to continue working hard, job hunting as much as possible, and fingers cross, starting my masters this year too. Whatever comes after, is yet to be seem. Going back to my outfit. I'm not intentionally wearing all-black so often these days. It just keeps happening. Oh well. I guess it's the safest option when you just don't feel like making any effort. Thank God for accessories. If it were not for the accessories, there'd be no colour in this look at all!
SPANISH / ESPAÑOL
Hola Bellezas, 
Pues, qué os puedo contar? Hoy no tenia ganas de nada. Me puse lo que sea, me recojí el cabello, y me pinté los labios con un color cantoso. Ultimamente me siento agotada. Fisicamente y emocionalmente. Lo único que quería hoy, era tiempo a solas con El Señor, asi que fui a misa y rezé sin parar. Me metí tan adentro que no te se decir de qué hablaba el cura. Pero tengo fe que todo va a acabar bien.  No voy a entrar en mucho detalle, pero si os voy a decir esto. Ser immigrante es muy duro, y detesto el hecho de que constantemente estoy siendo recordada de que soy inmigrante. Mi ser bilingüe es una maldición. Fliparian de la cantidad de veces de que en mi cara me han acusado de mentir sobre mi ser inglesa, porque tengo cara de latina y no hablo español con acento inglés. Será que aquí no hay casi nadie que comprende que Londres es una ciudad multi-cultural? Ya lo se que no debería permitir que la ignorancia de los demas me afecte, pero cuando mi busqueda de empleo depende de el hecho de que soy inglesa nativa, es horrible. Y da igual que soy mitad española. Yo no me siento española, asi que no me siento como en casa. A pesar de ser bilingue, el idioma me sigue siendo un reto. Constantemente estoy metiendo la pata, y constantemente me estoy muriendo de la verguenza. Y es peor cuando nadie me corrige al instante. En resumen, nunca me he sentido del todo como en casa en Madrid. Necesito mudarme. Pero para donde? No tengo garantias en ninguna parte, y no quiero pasar el resto de mi vida siendo nomada. Necesito recordar que las cosas podian ser peores, que Dios tiene un plan para mi, y que en el tiempo perfect, se revelará. Mientras seguiré luchando, buscando empleo, y si Dios quiere, comenzaré mi masters este año. Y lo que me toque luego, está por verse. Volviendo al look, no me estoy vistiendo tanto de negra a posta ultimamente. Es que me sale asi. En fin. Supong que es la combinación mas segura cuando tienes bajón y no te apetece nada estar ahi arreglandote. Gracias a Dios por los complementos. Sino fuese por los complementos, este look no tendria color!



Jumper - H&M
Leggings - C&A
Lipstick - YSL




Wednesday, 21 May 2014

It's Nobody's business.


ENGLISH

Hello Beauties,

I hope you are all well, and happily fabulous. Before I continue, I'd just like to point out that I'm having issues with my comments, and have just found comments I wasn't aware of. I promise I'm not ignoring any of you. I'm not like that. So if I've not been getting back to anyone, I appologize, and I want to let you know that your love and support means the world to me. 

Since I am currently unemployed, (my contract was brief and ran out already), and no longer have that strong vertigo, I now have lots of time to blog and make videos for you, whilst I job hunt as well. I hope that when I do get a job I won't be forced to go MIA again, and I promise I will keep you posted on any changes!

On a slightly different note, I really, really could do with a new camera. The video quality on my MacBook Pro is a lot better than on my camera, but sometimes it films funny. The motion and sound aren't always in synch which is frustrating. Add to that that sometimes iMovie freezes up and does wierd stuff during editing! Video making at my end is a hit or miss scenario.

Below is an outfit video I made (using my camera) and the quality is so appauling that I almost didn't even bother uploading it. It's only thirty-nine seconds long and you can see what I mean for yourselves...
*weeps*
I actually started making video outfits years ago on my vimeo channel. I can't remember why I didn't keep that up. Probably time issues or being completely clueless about video editing. It's something I'd like to take up again, but with better quality images...

If you have tips, suggestions, recommendations, etc, on cameras and lenses, please let me know!

Before, I forget, as for today's blog title: "It's nobody's business". It really isn't anybody's busy. We are all free to make choices. How we look, how we live, our lifestyle choices, the decisions and choices we make throughout our life, are all our own and nobody else's business, (as long as your choices aren't harming anyone else).

Never forget that you are a valuable human being who was made beautiful, and who has a purpose in life. Nobody is here completely by accident or without a purpose. Never forget that.


SPANISH

Hola Bellezas, 

Espero que esteis todas genial y felizmente fabulosas. Antes de continuar me gustaria decirles que tengo un problemilla con los comentarios, y he estado encontrando comentarios que no sabia que habias dejado. Os prometo que no estoy ignorando a nadie. Yo no soy asi. Si alguien a quien no le he respondido, os pido mil perdones, y que sepais que vuestro amor y apoyo significa el mundo para mi. 

Ahora que vuelvo a estar desempleada, (mi contrato era breve y ya se ha acabado), y ya se me ha ido pasando el vertigo, tengo mucho tiempo para actualizar el blog y hacer videos para vosotras mientras busco empleo. Espero que cuando me salga empleo, no tenga que volver a estar largos ratos sin actualizar el blog otra vez, pero prometo ponerles al dia con cualquier cambio que me surja. 

Cambiando de tema. No me vendria nada mal una nueva camara. La calidad de videos grabados en mi MacBook Pro es mucho mejor que la de mi camara, pero a veces graba raro. El sonido y el moviento no estan siempre sincronizados. Y muchas veces iMovie se conjela y hace cosas raras cuando estoy editando videos. Lo de hacer videos en mi vida es una loteria. 

En este post os dejo un video que hice de un look (grabado con mi camara), y la calidad es tan horrenda que estuve a punto de no molestarme en subirlo. Solo dura 39 segundos y podeis ver por vosotras mismas de lo que os hablo
*lloro*
 Hace años empecé a hacer videos de mis looks en mi canal en Vimeo. No recuerdo por qué no segui con eso. Quizas falta de tiempo o ignorancia a la hora de como editarlos. Pero es algo que me gustaria volver a hacer, pero con imagenes de mucha mejor calidad... 

Si alguna teneis consejos, sugerencias, recomendaciones, etc, sobre camaras y lentes, por favor dejenme saber!

Antes de que se me olvide. El titulo de mi post de hoy, "It's nobody's business", que significa, "No son asuntos de mas nadie" en inglés. Es porque de verdad no es problema de nadie. Todos somos libres. Nuestro imagen, nuestra forma de vivir, nuestro estilo de vida, las decisiones y elecciones que tomamos en esta vida, son propias, y no son problema de mas nadie, (excepto, si tus decisiones le hace daño a otros). 

Que nunca se te olvide que tu eres un ser que vale y que fue hecho con belleza, y que tiene un proposito en la vida. Nadie está aqui por completo accidente, y todos tenemos algun proposito que cumplir. 

Jamás te olvides de eso.

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

FOR KENDRA

ENGLISH

Hello Beauties, 

Tonight I bring you some style ideas I put together for travel expert Kendra Thornton after she recently contacted me and some other bloggers for style ideas and inspiration. Here is what she had to say:

"Fun and Fashion for a Night in the Big Apple
Traveling is one of the greatest pleasures in my life. I’m super excited to announce that I’ll be traveling to New York City with friends soon.
After searching all the hotels in New York, we've booked a stay at the luxurious Dream New York City hotel. We have plenty of fun planned for our short getaway, and I can’t wait to go. Before I pack for my adventure, however, I need some advice. As a mom of three little ones, I need a style update before taking a trip to a fashion Mecca like the Big Apple. Will you review the information about one of the places where my friends and I will be dining? Then, use that information to advise me concerning an outfit for the occasion.
 

Serafina
Whether we enjoy a Broadway show before or after going to eat at Serafina, I know I’ll enjoy the organic New York atmosphere at this Italian restaurant. Popular with locals as well as tourists, Serafina features pizzas and pasta dishes crafted from the freshest ingredients available. The Italian delicacies here are almost as addictive as the celebratory atmosphere for which the venue is well known.
 

New York Fashion and Fun
Few cities influence fashion worldwide in the way that New York City does. I’ve had tons of fun getting recommendations for my trip from the travel experts at Gogobot. Now I’m excited to get fashion tips from you before embarking on my journey. It won’t do for me to go to a chic city like the Big Apple looking dowdy. Besides, whether I’m enjoying dinner and a show in Midtown New York City or spending a day with my kids back home, I always feel better when I look great and feel comfortable dressed in appropriate fashions for my activities. I can’t wait to learn what recommendations you have for my New York City look."

I love doing things like this, to imspire women to explore their options, and maybe try new things they would otherwise probably not have experimented with. So this request was especially dear to my heart! Style and fashion is not about size. It's about self expression. Saying something about ourselves without having to say a word. Sharing. Inspiring. Not judging. Decorating our bodies as we like.
Anyway, before I get lost on a ramble, here are my looks, LOL, twelve to one. 

ESPAÑOL

Hola Bellezas, 

Esta noche os traigo algunas ideas que he creado para Kendra Thornton, una experta en viajes, despues de ella me ha escrito a mi, y a varias blogeras mas, pidiendonos ayuda e inspiracion. 

A mi me encanta hacer cosas asi. Inspirar a otras mujeres para que exploren sus opciones, y quizas probar cosas nuevas que de lo contrario a lo mejor no huberian experimentado de contrario. Asi que este 'encargo' para mi ha sido muy especial. Estilo y moda no se trata de talla. Se trata de expresarse. De decir algo sobre nosotros mismos sin tener que decir ni una palabra. Compartir. Inspirar. No juzgar. Decorar nuestros cuerpos como nos gusta. 

Bueno, antes de que me pierda hablando a lo loco, aqui os dejo mis looks, desde el doce, hasta el uno.

Look Twelve - Dressing up Casual



Alice You sleeveless dress
€28 - dorothyperkins.com

Black pumps
€15 - stylishplus.com

Givenchy leather purse
€930 - ssense.com

GUESS statement necklace
€33 - guess.com

LeiVanKash knuckle ring
€170 - boticca.com

Eye makeup
makeupforever.com

Look Eleven - Fresh and girly



Miss Selfridge polyester shirt
€18 - missselfridge.com

Miss Selfridge navy shorts
€83 - missselfridge.com

KAOS clothing
€65 - yoox.com

Express yellow flat
€29 - express.com

MICHAEL Michael Kors leather handbag
€155 - zalando.co.uk

Bangle bracelet
€13 - nastygal.com

Lauren Ralph Lauren long necklace
€27 - lordandtaylor.com

LOOK TEN - Maximum impact with Minimal Effort



H M silk top
€43 - hm.com

H M pink kimono
€37 - hm.com

H&M blue jean shorts
€25 - hm.com

Kate spade sandals
€130 - shopbop.com

Kate spade crossbody
€195 - nordstrom.com

Topshop bracelet jewelry
€15 - topshop.com

Look Nine - Golden Floral Queen



Topshop long sleeve blouse
€44 - topshop.com

Alexander McQueen pencil skirt
€940 - brownsfashion.com

Valentino leather shoes
€1.005 - harrods.com

Valentino leather handbag
€755 - tessabit.com

Rose gold earrings
€28 - emmastine.com

Look Eight - Unleash your wild side



Topshop jump suit
€58 - topshop.com

Charlotte Olympia white heel shoes
€490 - theoutnet.com

Charlotte Olympia clutch
€945 - net-a-porter.com

Gabriele Frantzen vintage necklace
€435 - ahalife.com

ASOS cateye glasses
€17 - asos.com

Look Seven - Russian Doll



Vintage dress
1stdibs.com

Givenchy top
€1.435 - matchesfashion.com

Anna F mary jane
€98 - yoox.com

Bib necklace
€22 - modcloth.com

Lips makeup
€5,47 - etsy.com

Messy Buns!
€145 - allisimpson.com

Look Six - Classic



Forever Unique white sleeveless blouse
€92 - repertoirefashion.co.uk

White jacket
€31 - quizclothing.co.uk

ONLY light blue jeans
€35 - only.com

Gianvito Rossi black peep toe booties
€530 - matchesfashion.com

Valentino black evening purse
€1.600 - mytheresa.com

Hermès hinged bracelet
€415 - usa.hermes.com

KENNETH JAY LANE bracelets bangle
€98 - net-a-porter.com

Lancôme liquid eye liner
€22 - lancome-usa.com

Charlotte Tilbury palette makeup
€205 - net-a-porter.com

Long wearing lipstick
€5,47 - etsy.com

Look Five



Ted Baker fitted jumpsuit
€205 - psyche.co.uk

Chie Mihara leather shoes
€290 - gravitypope.com

Yves Saint Laurent red purse
€725 - luisaviaroma.com

Luminess Air eyeshadow
€23 - target.com

Lips makeup
€7,25 - etsy.com

Look Four - Chic



Forever New shirts blouse
€48 - forevernew.com.au

Dolce Gabbana knee length skirt
€1.060 - thecorner.com

Brian Atwood black sandals
€1.055 - ssense.com

Marchesa clutch
€3.105 - net-a-porter.com

Look Three - Princess Boho



River Island one sleeve shirt
€12 - riverisland.com

J.Crew short shorts
€87 - jcrew.com

Salvatore Ferragamo leather shoes
€350 - shoescribe.com

Dolce Gabbana brown handbag
€2.770 - net-a-porter.com

Green bangle
€20 - 1928.com

Long necklace
€110 - pinkmascara.com


Look One - Girly, Pink and Gold



Cocktail party dress
€40 - modcloth.com

Lanvin shoes
€845 - shoescribe.com

Kate Spade bracelet jewelry
€64 - saksfifthavenue.com

Kate Spade water resistant watch
€180 - macys.com

VIDEO